We live in a fallen world, where people want to remove the blame from themselves and put it on the other person. It doesn’t matter who was to blame the shame the first person felt is still with that person and the person they blamed. Then there are the advertisements that add shame for not looking a certain way or acting in a way that is acceptable to those who decide what is the correct way. Our words can cause someone to feel shame even if we didn’t me them to.
Growing up I dealt with a lot of shame. No matter what I could do nothing right, according to my dad. I had a plaster plaque that I had worked on for a class. I was really excited about the piece it was someething that represented me. The night before I had to turn it in, I had left it by the door to grab as I left for school in the morning. When I went to grab it in the morning I noticed something was off from when I left it the night before. While I slept my dad had taken and added what was needed to make it “realistic”. I wanted to smash it to pieces. It no longer was mine but his. I was so ashamed to turn it in. See the year before when I had to make a float to represent a book that I had read, he took care of the float because he was good at that while I was good at writing.
The shame of these two and other events growing up has hounded me over the years. All I can tell you about the plaque is the rug and the wood floor, that is what he added his touch to. I would never know my true grade because of him. Likewise, with the float, I was so embarrassed to turn it in. From then on shame has stopped me because I felt I could not be good enough.
Denise Pass in her book, “Shame Off You”, has help me to get that shame off of me. Yes, I have been working hard over the years to get rid of the bitterness that my shame created. Let me share a couple of quotes that really helped me.
Family is where we first learn what it means to be known and loved — or not. Family can be a powerful incubator for shame.
The root of our shame is formed by a fear of rejection and cultivated by comparison.
We give shame the power to harm us only when we let other people define our worth.
These three quotes really had a big impact on me getting shame off of me. The reflection sections at the end of chapter help you to work through what you just read and apply it to your life.
Get your shame lifted off of you.